Short answer: grief comes in waves and is tied to memories of the person or thing you lost, with moments of warmth or even humor mixed in. Depression is a more constant low mood with loss of self-worth and interest in nearly everything. When grief stays intense and disabling for a year or more, it may be prolonged grief disorder, which is treatable.
What normal grief can look like
- Waves of sadness triggered by reminders, holidays or anniversaries
- Trouble sleeping and eating in the early weeks
- Feeling the person’s presence or talking to them
- Gradually being able to enjoy some things again, even while sad
Signs it may be depression
- Persistent emptiness that does not lift between waves
- Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt not related to the loss
- Loss of interest in almost everything
- Slowed thinking or movement, or inability to function at work or home
- Thoughts of suicide
Prolonged grief disorder
Some people remain stuck in intense yearning, disbelief and emotional pain long after a loss, struggling to rejoin life. Specialized grief-focused therapy can help, and depression or anxiety that develops alongside it can be treated with medication when appropriate.
Ways to support yourself
- Keep basic routines: meals, sleep, short walks
- Let friends help with practical tasks
- Grief groups through hospices, churches and community centers
- Be gentle with yourself around anniversaries and holidays
Grief has no fixed timeline
There is no correct amount of time to grieve. The first holidays and anniversaries are often the hardest, and a wave of grief years later is normal. What matters is whether, over time, you can carry the loss while still engaging with life: work, relationships, small pleasures. If grief instead narrows your world more and more, it is a reason to seek support.
Losses that are easy to overlook
Grief is not only about death. Divorce, a miscarriage, a pet’s death, a diagnosis, retirement, a child leaving home or the loss of a home can all bring deep grief. These losses are sometimes less recognized by others, which can make people feel alone with them. Naming them as grief is an important first step.
How a psychiatrist can help
A psychiatrist can assess whether depression, anxiety or trauma symptoms have developed alongside grief, help with sleep, and coordinate with a grief-focused therapist. Treatment is not about “moving on” or forgetting, but about making the pain bearable enough to keep living fully while honoring the person or life you lost.
Frequently asked questions
Will antidepressants stop me from grieving?
No. When depression is present, treating it can make it possible to grieve more fully rather than feeling numb or stuck.
When should I get help right away?
If you have thoughts of ending your life or cannot care for yourself, call or text 988 or call 911.
Psych Boston offers depression treatment and compassionate evaluations in Lexington and by telehealth. Request an appointment.
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This article is general information, not medical advice. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 or call 911. Psych Boston is an outpatient psychiatry practice at 35 Bedford St #17, Lexington, MA781-218-9550).